remotelyplutonian: L spits out a cupcake liner. (wtaf)
Plutonians, no matter how remotely, should not style wigs.

This is not something I knew before attempting to pull three lots of synthetic hair into three different shapes. No. This is something that attempting to pull three lots of synthetic hair into three different shapes taught me.

Plutonians should not style wigs. It sounds like the title of a children's book. Or an Aesop fable. Slow and steady wins the race; elephants don't dance; Plutonians should not style wigs.

On Friday, I sat down to style three wigs - one long and blonde, one mid-length and auburn, one bobbed and fringed and black - into Misa's hair, Emma's hair, and L's hair, respectively. Hey, I thought, this shouldn't be too difficult; with the exception of Emma's ahoge, all three styles are normal, conventional, simple. Misa has pigtails and a fringe. L has a layered, spiky cut. Emma has a short, spunky mop. Simple, simple, simple. This shouldn't take me long at all.

So, I unwrapped the three wigs, and, for want of foam heads, set each on a wooden candlestick.

What was immediately apparent was that the auburn wig I had ordered? Was too long to be styled into any semblance of Emma's 'do. So out came the scissors. Splintery snippets of hair flitted from the tips as I cut, clumped together on the table like moulted fur. I cut carefully - at first. Uncertain that my cuttings were actually making any difference to the overall length of the hair, I removed the wig from the candlestick and placed it on my head, and looked in the mirror. Or, at least, tried to - I couldn't see a thing from beneath the fringe I thought I'd trimmed.

Thus, with the wig still on my head, I trimmed a little more oh but hang on now the fringe looked straight should I cut this bit here oh no now this bit here is too darn short maybe I should cut that bit there ack ack ack now I can see the net beneath should I smother hair glue all over my hands and pull the back bits to the front to cover the net? Yes? All right? *dollops hair glue into palm and rubs hands together like an uncertain villain*

...After two hours of styling and spraying and cutting some more (forget cautious - I was cutting without abandon now), the wig had solidified into a style that looked distantly reminiscent of Emma's 'do. Emphasis on 'solidified' - having effectively coated the hair with glue and hairspray, I'd turned the wig into this thing that could no longer be styled. Not a single strand would yield - there would be no ahoge. :(

At least L's would come together with a little more ease, I told myself. L's hair is just a spiky mass. Simple.

And maybe it would have been simple, had the wig I'd chosen to style not been a short black bob. All of its strands curled at the tip. And all of the strands, but particularly those which comprised the straight fringe, were too short. And naturally I only really understood these drawbacks after I'd started digging into the hairs with my glue-thick fingers and scissors.

Again - I felt most profoundly the lack of a proper apparatus. The candlestick just did not give me any indication as to how the wig might look once worn. So, as with Emma's wig, I ultimately had to remove L's from the stick and set it on my head, and style it there.

There was a lot of chopping and mopping, yanking and process-hating. I cannot tell you how many times I swore I'd never again so much as run my fingers through another wig - nor could I tell you how many times I simply swore. My base wig just did not want to co-operate, but I suppose I didn't expect it to either, and I suppose that didn't help my cause one bit. Working with that wig was sort of like working with someone you're barely ever spoken to, on a project you care more about than they do. The wig was stubborn; eventually I gave up on it actually complying to my touch and just cut, cut away the bits I didn't at all like.

What I ultimately found crowning my head was not so much an L wig, but a Robert Smith wig - but I convinced myself both weren't altogether that dissimilar (I mean, both L and Rob have black hair, droopy eyes, and skin that looks quite starved of sunlight, so...). Honestly, what I had was a black, messy wig. Worn above a white shirt, loose jeans, and pale skin, it'd look just like - or, at the very least, echo - L's hair.

By that time, my entire kitchen floor was carpeted in blades of hair. Bits were getting stuck to my bare feet. Out came the vacuum cleaner we usually use to rid the floorboards of Leia's fur. At first it did a pretty neat job of sucking away the hairs, but then it started to suck at sucking - apparently the synthetic hairs had started to clump together and were now blocking some airpipe inside the vac. I pried at the clump until the pipe was clear, began sucking up some more - another blockage, then, so again I pulled out all the stuck hairs, started sucking up the rest... repeat repeat repeat until finally there were only one or two strands left on the floor, strands I could pick up with my fingers and drop into the bins.

When the floor was finally clean, it was five o'clock and the rest of my family had returned home. I hadn't even started styling the blonde wig into Misa's hair. And wouldn't - at least, not until the second morning of Animaga, because my parents wanted placemats and cups and cutlery and food on the table; not candlesticks, not scissors, not hairspray/hair-glue and certainly not hair, no matter how synthetic.

Which was fine. I mean, after having spent the entire afternoon agonizing over wigs and hair, I didn't want to see another strand of the stuff, either.
remotelyplutonian: Munna eats brain! Black goes blank. (brb brain eaten)
Recently, my brother and I have been rewatching Neon Genesis Evangelion. (We were nine and twelve respectively the first time we watched it, so nostalgia plus the fact that both of us wanted to really, you know, understand it for once, led us to wanting to watch it once more.)

Neon Genesis Evangelion - and I don't mean the Rebirth movies, nor the End of Evangelion movie released shortly after the original series. I mean the original series itself. The one with all the gloriously hand-painted cel-shaded frames. The one with episodes cobbled together from recycled animation, for want of a budget. The one with a dub that the Eva fanbase considers dated and really kind of terribly bad.

Sure, it's dated. But is it really that bad? I'm not so sure. )

Remotely Plutonian

remotelyplutonian: Munna eats brain! Black goes blank. (Default)
remotelyplutonian

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